A Guy was arrested for laughing

This is from an actual trial in the UK, A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing, She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

The case was dismissed!

Ultimate Fun.. Read till end.

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it..

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

Can you Answer this Questions ?? Lets C how clever u R !!! lolz

what is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING....???
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The last and the ultimate one:

A hen and her 3 little chickens were trying to cross a busy highway. After great efforts they all managed to cross it. One of the little ones yells out happily-"Wow....after so much effort, all 5 of us managed to cross"....

Why does the little one say "all 5 of us"????
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ANS: BACHHE HAIN !!!! KUCH BHI BOL DETE HAIN !!!!!

Why Men are Just Happier People ..!! Itz True

NAMES
• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Three Brothers.... Ha haha.. :) :)

A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.

When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."

The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London.

When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.


The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.


When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "

The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no,"
he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" .


" The only thing is
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I Just Quit Drinking..

HA Ha HA Ha Ha a..
Awesome jatka Yaar

Marvellous Answer

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when
he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to
the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his
car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage," Hello Doctor!! Please come over
here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked
argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will
work as a new one... So how come you get the big money, when you and me
is doing basically the same work? "








The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....
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Doctor said : " Try to do it when the Engine is RUNNING "


Marvellous Right :)

Magician's New Trick ..Great One

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so he did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem with that strategy: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything -- it was, after all, the Captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning all who were on board -- except the magician, who found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea. As fate would have it, the parrot also survived and, when the sun came up, he spotted the one safe harbor on the open ocean -- the same piece of wood. He landed and shared the space with the magician. They stared at each other with hatred, but neither one uttered a word.

This went on for a day, and then two days, and then three days. Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back any longer. "OK, I give up," the parrot said to the magician. "Great new trick. Now: where the hell is the ship?"

Wife’s Diary vs. Husband’s Diary

Well husbands and wives out there, in marriage life, communication is very very important. Lack of it will end in argument, stress and even worse, divorce. When we argue with our spouse, the affected party is not only ourselves, but our childrens. Be open with your spouses. Don’t let their mind be the devils advocate. Here’s a classic story about a husband and wives summarised in an interesting story about each diary and I agree it sometimes happen in this world..

WIFE’s DIARY

Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet
at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long,
so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
comment.

Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so
we could talk, he agreed but his mind was far away. I asked him what was
wrong. he said, “Nothing.” I asked him if it was my fault that he wasupset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say,
“I love u, too.”

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to
do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and
absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I
decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him
with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until
I too fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts
are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.


HUSBAND’s DIARY

Sunday night - Today Manchester United lost again.

Pati Aur Patni :)

1. Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
... Paisa apka ... Faisla apka ...

2. " Funny but true fact !! A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband, A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !! .. What do u say?

3. A Man before marriage is - Superman. After Marriage - Gentleman. 5years later - Watchman. 10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman.

4. Life meine hamesha Haste raho,muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate raho... taki tumhe dekh kar hi

log samaj jaye k tum... " UNMARRIED" ho.

5. Wife:1 baat bolu par mujhe maarna nahi
Hsbnd:Bolo
Wife:Mai Pregnant hu
Hsbnd:Its Gud news,dar kyo rahi thi
Wife:Shadi ke pehle papa ko bataya tha, badi maar pari thi.

6. Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho.....
KHUSH RAHO

7. Wife-Shadi ki raat tum ne jab mera ghunghat uthaya to kaisi lagti thi..
Husband- Mai to mar hi jata agar mujhe hanuman chalisa na yaad hoti..!!


8. Why love marriage is better dan Arranged???? B'coz a "KNOWN DEVIL" is better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".

9. Wife: main tumhari yaad mein 2O din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon, mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?

HUSBAND: 2O din aur ruk jaao.

10. A man gave an add in Matrimonial column
"PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying:-
" Meri Le Ja...!"
''Meri Le Ja...!''

11. Husband to Hotel Manager: "Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud kar jaan dena chahti hai"
Manager: "What can I do?
Husband"Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai."

12. Every person is a FREEDOM FIGHTER ........
Immediately after Marriage !!
JAI HIND!!

13. Telling a lie is a
fault for a little boy,
an art for a lover,
an accomplishment for a bachelor and
a Matter of Survival for a married man.
Gud Luck!

14. Woh kahte hain ki hamari biwi swarg ki Apsara hai,
hum ne kaha khushnaseeb ho bhai,
hamari to abhi Jinda hai...

Idiocy in 2009

Number One Idiot, so far in 2009

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away..


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Number Two Idiot so far in 2009



Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.


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Number Three Idiot so far in 2009



A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland , walked into the Branch and wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland .

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland. Happened in Noosa!


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Number Four Idiot so far in 2009



A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.'

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe
him. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later.


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Number Five Idiot so far in 2009

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The
first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him..


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Number Six Idiot so far in 2009

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Flexi-Glass. .. The whole event was caught on videotape.. Perth WA .


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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!


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IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask..'
Happened in Melbourne .


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JUST AN IDIOT :

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'
This was at the FORD dealership, Dubbo.

Indian way of doing Business.. ;)

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China.

They go with a White House office to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for
my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

Jandhyala thitlu-- Have Fun

All time Jandhyala thitlu.

1. Nalla Cooling glass vesukoni Nalla addamlo choosukuntoo maadipoyina
masala dosanu amavaasya roju current poyina timelo tine pinjari edava.

2. Africa korivi deyyaniki America bhoothaniki akramasanthanamga puttina
mohamu nuvvu.

3. Plane lo kerchief esi seat book chesukotaaniki parachute esukelle picchi
edava

4. Computer lo "File not found" ani error vosthey ekkada undha ani paina
kinda vethukkune verri naayala.

5. Bandaru laddu kosam kothulani (Bandar) ni vetaade panikimaalina moham
nuvvu!!

6. Sunday Night Pub ki velli VEDIGAA UPMA UNDAA ani adigedi ebraasi.

7. Summer lo sweaterlu ammukune yerri nayala

8. amudam tho omlate veskune.aragundu vedava.

9. Airport lo handkerchiefs ammukuntu thirigeee endipoyina noothilo baavuru
kappa facuuu

10. endakalam lo raggu kappukuni vedi coffee thaage pinjaari moham nuvvunu

11. nee hobbies entante chettha kuppalo plastic kaagithalerukovadam ani
cheppe kampu facuu nuvvu.

12. Java prog lo class declare cheyamante 5th class ani raase picchi
nayala.

13. MNC interview lo HR round ki lungi toh poye moham.

14. Software Requirement phase lo kirana list raase muganasthapu mohamoda

15. Client to conference ki puli veshamlo velle budabukkaloda

16. Pencil adigina pillatho pellainda ani pichapicha prasnalu yese paaapii

17. Balayya cinemaki Black tickets kone face

18. pagilina window glass toh spectacles cheyyinchukune khanjoos gaa

19. Bombay cinema choodataniki bombai poye moham

Sardar ne Bank Lootaaaa..........

A Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chiken, Waiter comes with the order, Surdar:Murgey di taang kithe hai? Waiter:Woh langra tha.

Surdar: Dil? Waiter:Dil murgi le gayee. Surdar: Dimaag? Waiter: Murga SARDAR tha

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This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji
replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata"

****************************************************************************

Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

*****************************************************************************

Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

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Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank
Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine,
Happily they drank & went away.
Nxt day Headline:Blood Bank lutya gya

One More ....

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
Interviewr shouts: stop it !
SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup..

Hahahahhaaaaaaa...gr8 sardar ..lolz

Gambler Sardar :)

GAMBLER Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday."
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
"But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
"Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "